The Alternative Ashes in verse

Posted by Tony Hutton

This may be a little out of sequence in the grand scale of things, but obviously yesterday's events deserve some special treatment.

The umpire's practising his swing, third man's perfecting his putts,
Ian Bell looks a little bit nervous, but KP has sent out for some nuts.
Bopera's gone to the opera, where Strauss is composing again,
Colly's gone racing at Blaydon, while Freddie plays on through the pain.
Everything comes without Onions, so Johnathan's gone to the trots
and Harmie's gone home for his tea, where Anderson's cracking no pots.
Getting ready to be night-watchman, he's even been out for a duck.
Swanny's been sold down the river, by a letter from Alastair Cook.

With runs and wickets galore, a new hero emerges in Broad,
just forget all those MBEs, they might even make him a Lord.
Monty's not even playing but Prior, the man no one loves,
has at the end of the season got one to stick in his gloves.
The day get's longer and longer and we're all going around the bend,
when the Aussies collapse and those Ashes come back home in the end.